Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
