clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
