You can't special order awesome
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
