Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
