Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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