I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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