I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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