So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
