he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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