im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
