My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
