Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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