My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
