If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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