My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
