You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
