I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
