Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize