so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
