either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
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