they need to just BURY HIM!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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