i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize