Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
