Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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