if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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