so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
