If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
