And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
