the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
