i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
