I must be too annoying 4 u.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
