News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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