I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize