If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
