instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
