fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she was so not down for the gang bang
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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