we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
