I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
