I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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