Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
