I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
