Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
