Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is my gift to your gina
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
