am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
