I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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