I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just google imaged poop.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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