He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
