I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
from now on my penis is your penis
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
