Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
