Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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