1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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