They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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