you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
