You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
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