Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
