hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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