this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
