I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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