The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
