Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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