When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
