remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
