i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
