i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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