i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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